Sitiawan Stylo, My Hero

Sitiawan Stylo was a portly man with a pleasant and somewhat alluring disposition. He often made friends of everyone from big wig corporate men to waiters at the local Chinese restaurant. He was fair-skinned, bordering on a yellowish tan he said he got from his mother. He had a thick head of hair which never seemed to grey and light brown eyes that had a hint of bluish grey at the iris edges. He always saw the glass half full and led others to see the same through his actions and sheer energy. In his later years, it was common for him to have a pack of youngsters around his chair during the holidays, usually seeking his counsel or just basking in the warmth of his affection.


1980

Sitiawan Stylo accompanied his 6 y.o. daughter to her first kindergarten race. What he did not expect was for the headmistress to suddenly announce a parents’ race as part of the events. Stylo’s daughter knew he knew he had little chance of winning, but instead of backing out of the race he had been randomly picked for, he chose to be a sport and take part in the race. As expected Stylo did not win. Or stand second or third or fourth. He was the second last. He was no runner for sure. And in spite of his daughter standing on the sidelines looking aghast at what she thought would be a colossal failure for anyone in a competiton, Sitiawan Stylo trotted back from the finish line, gleaming and clapping. When his daughter asked, “Acha, aren’t you sad you didn’t win?”, he cheerfully responded, “I would be sad if I didn't try. Because if I didn't try, I would not be able to show you that you don't always have to be sure of success to try something. Trying, whether it brings you failure or not, is the first step to success." His daughter was still sad then, but as she grew up, these words resounded in her head at every class debate, singing contest and writing competiton.

1985

Stylo, now 55, was medically boarded out of work where he'd earned accolades like "Insurance Man of the Year" and made manager despite his lack of education. He was diagnosed with a severe heart condition. His now 11 y.o. daughter and 7 y.o. son were oblivious of the lifestyle implications. Instead, the kids were ecstatic that there would be someone at home when they returned from school every day, especially since both their parents worked late. Stylo felt restless and restricted at home, as he was still completely mentally productive and alert. Despite the high likelihood that he would descend into depression, it was amazing that Stylo did the opposite; He found ways to keep his mind satiated - teaching his daughter and son cooking, home chores, fix-its, wood work, pet care etc. He also inculcated their reading habit, set a time for listening to classical music and introduced physical activity on alternate days of the week for good measure. His daughter, being the elder of the two, was the first to notice how he turned his life around all on his own. Later in her own life, she always looked to that part of Stylo's for strength in her own.

1992

No one but the angels knew that 62 y.o. Stylo was days away from his fatal heart attack. He was smiling and happy during his last few days, but increasingly demanding of his children; especially of his daughter, who he insisted, enters the accounting profession. His daughter was peeved feeling that a career in English literature or music would be more up her alley. However, after futile arguments, she begrudgingly settled for an accounting course. Stylo died on the day she signed up. It was only four years later that she understood how far sighted and planned Stylo’s decision was, given that financially, the family was struggling. Stylo's daughter graduated in accounting and was snapped up by a major accounting firm, laying foundations for a very stable income source and therefore being able to support her retiree mother.


To date, these three episodes with Stylo remain monumental in his daughter’s life. She always remembers - "failure is what you encounter while you practice for success", "strength is something you build, not have" and, "think through your plans before you act".

Acha, you are Sitiawan Stylo, my hero!

Beyond Idli and Naan

Dear South Indian Expat friend,

Fret not! You are not alone.

There is a large community of Indian expats in Malaysia, with most of them hailing from South Indian states of Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Andra Pradesh and Karnataka. And though I'd in the past found most to be cautious about stepping away from familiar food, they are all not just rotating between doshas, idlis and naans.

Yes, you the South Indian expat, is tempted to keep an eye out for the familiar smells and sights of food. To some of you, you may have been somewhat concerned at the onset, that living in a foreign land could mean no Indian food within quick reach. But you discovered quickly that Malaysia hardly fits into that stereotype. Here, getting acquainted with the quintessential Malaysian past time, i.e. food (Indian or otherwise), would have been followed by the realisation that the familiar tastes of India are all at a stones throw from wherever it is you are!

Yet other South Indian expats have been timidly declining food choices that my fellow Malaysians have been pointing out over time. Sometimes, you may have accepted a dinner treat or two, realising post-meal, that neither the treator nor you, was educated on what was going to be acceptable to your palate. Those meals could have turned out to be disastrous, leaving you hungry, unsatisfied and craving for a good biriyani. Worse still you would have gone on to conclude that the best thing would be to remain safely devoted to your previously chosen Indian restaurants. You must have made about 15 trips to Sharavan Bhavan in two weeks, if you'd done that!


However, what my point is that your journey does not need to end with successfully identifying Indian places to eat. The induction to Malaysian food that you will receive, if you so allow it, will cover the smorgasbord of fascinating Malaysian cuisine. And all within the boundaries of familiar meats (chicken, fish, prawns, beef, mutton and lamb). Vegetarians may be at a loss away from India, but the meat eater has no excuse to seek the comfort of sambar a day into your Malaysian stay. You need not worry that eating in a regular city restaurant will result in the unwitting introduction to pig's blood or snake meat, as some of my friends have experienced in their trips around exotic Asian cities. Having said that, a choice of extreme cuisine is not impossible to find. This post is however, not about the extreme choices, but just everyday ones.

Back to "common Malaysian food" - You can often discern the palatability of a dish, through your nose, can't you? So, to start with, remember use it to guide you to what's good to eat. Chances are, perhaps the spicier dishes will call to you immediately.

My advice is to try, try and keep trying different "common Malaysian food" like nasi lemak, roti canai, char kuay teow, mi siam, nasi goreng, rendang ayam/ daging (photo above)etc. If your saliva glands do not respond the first time, remember to start with something closest in smell to your more familair foods. These would be chicken rendang, roti canai and nasi goreng - the last of which I've even found in menus at restaurants in Chennai! Roti canai is probably the best example of something that is very close to home - it is almost synonymous in taste and texture to the pranthas you will find in India. And though your next instinct will drive you to a meal of that ever so familiar idli or tandoori roti, try steering yourself in the direction of a well-prepared nasi lemak. You may be pleasantly surprised and best of all, you'd have expanded your food repertoire.

Remember that repeated trials of the items in the above list of Malaysian choices will most likely lead you to a new opinion of a particular dish you've already sampled. Why? Because it is not guaranteed that a dish tried in two different places is likely to be exactly the same! Though a nasi lemak is a nasi lemak, you will find more than a few subtle differences from one vendor to another. This is characteristic of Malaysians who love to vary their recipes of standard dishes, to show off their creativity in the kitchen.

A nasi goreng pattaya with its eggy covering may be just about the only common denominator between the dish being served in shop A versus shop B. I've had red hot looking nasi goreng pattaya and a completely bland version. The best part is that Malaysia is so diverse that consumers who enjoyed shop A's version may be a set of clientele that is completely different from those who prefer shop B's. And yet, both shops thrive. There is no absolute answer to the best dish.

So the best test? Your nose. If it smells good, you'll probably like it. So dive in. If your nose has deceived you once, don't give up. As your nose trains you to distinguish tastes you prefer among Malaysian dishes, you'll get savvy enough to be the official food guide for your friends and family visiting from your homeland!

So, be adventurous and try Malaysian food. Rest assured that by the time you leave Malaysia, you'll be wishing Chennai had a restaurant selling Char Kuay Teow!

Are You Happy Yet?

“Declare War on Negative Thoughts!”, is a quote I see proudly displayed on a poster in my office pantry everyday... Probably the souvenir from a very vivaciously delivered motivational speech on positive thinking. Sure it sounds logical at first glance, but really, is that the best way to treat negative thoughts - by denying any dignity to the moment?

I’ve always felt that society rewards us a bit too much, not for positive thinking, but for simply and successfully denying communication of negative thoughts. Yes, yes, I've heard that positive thought is the highway to happiness. Or is it?

I've always felt that society rewards

us a bit too much, not for
positive thinking, but for simply and successfully

denying communication of negative thoughts.

Perhaps a case in point would be how when I once lost my enviable placement in a singing competition due to some underhandedness of the orgnisers’, I was overcome with rage to the point that I could not pinpoint what it was that drove me up the wall – Was it my hatred for these unscrupulous organizers? Was it the feeling of helplessness from a lack of control over the situation? Was it the sheer nonchalance of the others in the competition with the same fate, who seemed to take the incident with such a lack of remorse?

Allowed a little more exploration of my negative thoughts, I may have come to the root of my erupting emotions. I recall keeping my calm at the competition, waiting to enter the safe arms of family and friends to vent. However, upon sharing my experience, my friends’ and family’s immediate response was to dismiss the “negative thoughts” and instead, to “think positive”! But how? Why was the crowd around me quick to suggest, “Don’t cry!”, instead of saying, “Go on - Cry and let it all out”? In a turbulent sea of rage and hatred, is it that simple to skip one’s probable response to impropriety and directly ascend to peace and equilibrium? I think not!

It may feel all to obvious that if a negative thought ceases to exist in our minds, that the obvious replacement for it is a positive one. How reductionist and simplistic. Not logical to me, simply because the positive negative relationship of thought is far from balck-and white. Sorry, my dear compulsive optimists, but I think people are afraid of negative thought more than they are sold on the benefits of positive ones! So we always try to appear happy just to avoid the "think positive" admonishment - even when doing so isn't the best thing. Think of all the mondays you have come into the workplace feeling like you've been hit by a bus, but chirped, "Oh...great!", to a workmate enquiring about your weekend. Isn't that just to avoid being seen as negative by another person?

Think of all the mondays you have come into

the workplace feeling like you've been hit

by a bus, but chirped, "Oh... great!", to a

workmate enquiring about your weekend.

We’d much rather get really quickly from the point of negative thought to a place of resolve at the fastest possible speed. Perhaps there is a misconception that one cannot cope with another iota of misery that comes from acknowledging negativity. Little do we realize the recovery we so desire is sometimes cloaked in the delicacy and graduality with which we explore those negative thoughts. So, let those thoughts linger a while!

Perhaps the most ironic behaviour in the pursuit of (urgent!) happiness is how we consider negative thought to have a space and time within which they are considered valid. Apparently, within these parameters, negative thoughts are not only accepted, but also expected! A 4 year old child laughing innocently during his grand-uncle’s funeral is quickly shushed. But one year later at the deceased's death anniversary gatehring, his grieving spouse of 50 years was coaxed and cajoled by relatives, quite insistently, out of her misery! All this in the pursuit of getting from that negative thought, oh so quickly to acceptance because apparently, someone had decided that her time to grieve was over!

I say let her cry. Let her have her fears magnified, purpose questioned, reality checked and her emotions inundated. She’s earned the right to treat this event as she wants to, for it defines her life. Remember that each person is different and each situation is unique for every individual. Be there for her, but for God’s sake, even if she takes more time than you can accept, don’t tell the woman to “Declare War on Negative Thoughts”! Her negative thoughts are hers to work out or wallow in. The question is whether you acknowledge yours enough to give them the dignity she has given hers!

A Tiger's Wisdom

So, it's the year of the Tiger. Finally. My year.

Yesterday, I visited a Feng Shui store in Mega Mall. I was all excited that after the usual 12 year rotation, it was finally my year, my moment, the Year of the Tiger! I wanted to read what consultants and advisers of other-worldy energies had to say about the year ahead.

I felt very proud that year after year of oxen, sheep, rooster and other animal totems and buntings finally led up to the inevitable strike of the clock when the Tiger would once more grace Feng Shui stores. There they were, majestic tiger totems and buntings.

I felt important and addressed, as one would when toasted to, in a party held in one's honour. I grinned and reached for a little yellow booklet that said something like "Forecast for Tiger Year 2010 - For the Tiger Sign". I was already leaping with joy inside, just waiting for the pages to unravel my sexy, exciting future. It was, afterall, the year of the Tiger and I, a Tiger-born woman, must surely have a lot to look forward to - in my own year at least.

I flipped through, starting with the general predicitons, and then to specific areas of life; career, marriage, family life, love, education, health. With each section, my spirits sank further and further; Apparently the year of the Tiger was nothing but tumultous to those born in it! I could bearly make half the tiny book without feeling like a wreck - it's criminal that this cascade of predictions were turning me inside out, especially since they were of course, blanket predictions for the Tiger-born and by no means accurate to every individual. In my head, all I could think about was that things were not to be good in the career arena, not good for love not for health, nothing! No areas of life held promise except for a meagre flicker of hope in money matters that said the "Female Tiger's finances would be bearable IF she married or; if already married, had a child"!

What ??!

So now, the book told me that my year would suck if I marry (because the year generally sucked for the Tiger) - but if I marry, finances will be bearable??! What kind of compromise is that?! And if I were already married, and it sucks (as the book promises), I should have a child to ensure finances are beareable?

What's wrong with this picture?
Who writes this stuff?
And who reads it, darn it?!

Looking around the store, I saw two scenes of notoriety; one, was the shared look of disdain on the faces of the readers of the 2010-prediciton books. The second was a scene further inside the store, of faces looking desparately at expensive totems, trinkets and charms to weather people through the impending crises of 2010. It was something like RM 1,500 for some of these items! I felt like I was standing at the precipice of being suckered into the business of propogating fear and faith in an unfounded science.

"Why am I contemplating totems over techniques to get through turbulences of life, if any are indeed being predicted accurately by a person I've never relied on before for the good things in my life? Bah! Humbug, all this!" , I thought.

"Thank God no one I knew was in the vicinity of the store, bearing witness to my near descent into foolery", I consoled myself. I took a step away from the tantalising pocket book shelf, sighing, "Phew, close one!"

The book was still in my hand, but I was (thankfully!), intrigued no more by its contents. So I stepped to the shelf and put it back but it slipped and fell off, face down. I bent down to pick it up, when I realised the page opened to the final 2010 prediction for the Tiger-born. Apparently, the book could not only tell you about the tangible, but also the intangible aspects of your life such as how you would think, feel, react and perhaps even, how you would most likely defrost your frozen peas this year.

I could not restrain my eyes from reading the words, "The tigress comes into great wisdom in 2010. This will lead her to achieve success in love, marriage, education and career. These in turn will improve her finances this year."

Excuse me, but if this isn't contradiction of a previous prediction, please tell me what is! How dare the Feng Shui advisers tell me that my year will be awful but awesome, painful but peachy all in one breath, and expect me to believe them without question. How dare they believe they could leave me with self doubt in quantities that would only lead me to find solace in expensive itmes from their Feng Shui store in Mega Mall?

Who writes these superstitions?! And more importantly, who reads this stuff? Who believes this nonsense, darn it?! Thank God, I'm too wise to buy into all this humbug!

Really.

Ok.... so at long last yesterday, I bought the darn book already - for a friend.

No, no, not for me. Of course not!

It's for a fellow Tiger-born. She's into all this mumbo-jumbo.

Not me. I just think it is not well-meaning to entice wide-eyed consumers into purchasing nonsensical items that supposedly ward off bad luck and usher in prosperity. The book's not on my shelf. Only hers.

Yeah, really.

And oh, I nearly forgot to say - Today I went back to the store and got myself... I mean, my friend, a tiger charm. For RM 19.90, apparently the great wisdom of the Tiger is sharpened. Cool, yes? Yeah, but as I said, this hum bug isn't for me.

Really.

It's for that fellow Tiger-born. She's into all this mumbo-jumbo, you see.

I for one, would never be fooled into believing in such humbug! Never. I wouldn't descend into buying totems and books written based on baseless conjecture! Who on earth believes this sort of thing? Only those with no wisdom, is my guess.

And after all, the book did say I have "great wisdom", didn't it?

Motorised Foldable Treadmill going cheap!

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