Something strange has come over our collective national online experience since the Movement Control Order began. Rumour has it, the internet is not broken, just slightly bent, warped and out there! Read on and see what I mean.
1. Slow Internet
So slow that I had enough time to reminisce internet-dial-up days from the 1990s, repeat every memory twice, blow soap bubbles as I washed my hands to Happy Birthday, and then complete this article in time for Google to load so that I could start researching to write this article.
2. Aggressive Ads
Websites that used to be classy and chill now throw pop up ads at you like you're the enemy. Pop up ads used to be docile, respectful and dismissible (yep, with that little “x” you could click). That was before. Now the ads don’t hold back. They pop up and make you forget what you were looking for with their violent outbursts. The story goes something like this; At first, you get excited when Google (finally!) survives the slow internet and loads. Then you click a page and, wham! Pop up bars 2 inches thick on the bottom of the screen. On top! On the right hand corner! And this one niggly 2"×3" video overlaps text on the south-southeast border. It has NO “x” to click.
And if you try to close it or be smart about how you scroll through the contents you searched for, the video expands to full screen like a screaming banshee!
3. Sci-Fi Jobs
New job titles that sound like you’re working inside a Will Smith sci-fi movie story. AI Tech Master, IoT Engineer, Cybersecurity Officer. Notice them taking 70% of your "recommended job roles" on JobLane (not a real jobsite!) when your degree is clearly stated as Mass Communications in the field marked “Education”? Suddenly, boring jobs you never applied for (because your degree saved you from them), sound far more relatable than these “i-Robot” jobs. So now, you're shamelessly winging that Legal Assistant or Finance Associate application, cos you're more likely to land that than Cyborg Site Manager.
4. Don't Call Me, Maybe
Back-to-back conference work calls that invite everyone and their cat though the discussion relates to all of 3 people from your team of 15. If you do not relate to this problem,
…are one of those 3 people, and who ends up inviting us; Do everyone else a favour and pray DON'T INVITE us 12 team members for those 2 hour arias. Frankly my dear, we'd rather be working.
Also, heard of email?
5. Fame is Lame
Influencers and stars look lame and embarrassing posing smugly against their $900 champagne on social media because they are not real front liners as they portray in their films. It is not their fault that they acted so well in your fave movie that you fell in love with Will, I mean ...the actors, in 2004. So yeah - Will Smith today, looks lame in Independence Day in the face of COVID-19, next to Nurse Kiah of Hospital Gomen Kuala Lumpur.